Ride naked? Seriously?

Let the record show that I will not be riding naked this coming Saturday. While I grant that you, dear reader, will be the better for my modesty, trust me when I say that it's really going to be me that benefits more greatly.

Why even ponder such a thing? Riding naked was furthest from my mind until I spied that a large number of cyclists had embarked on a symbolic, naked protest ride in Vermont last weekend. Come to find out that this is not an isolated Vermont incident: 70 cities in 20 countries, according to the WNBR Web site (NSFW).

World Naked Bike Ride's site proclaims, "We face automobile traffic with our naked bodies as the best way of defending our dignity and exposing the unique dangers faced by cyclists and pedestrians as well as the negative consequences we all face due to dependence on oil, and other forms of non-renewable engergy (sic)."

Amen, World Naked Bike Riders -- all except the naked part. Seriously? Riding naked? I'm uncomfortable in padded bike shorts. There is no way I am getting in the saddle in my birthday suit. I don't care how good the cause, or how aligned with my beliefs.

And let's dissect the mission statement: Defending our dignity? My dignity is barely preserved behind a winter coat, much less in spandex or stepping outside of my clothing. Exposing the unique dangers faced by cyclists? I'm as much a cycling nut as the next enthusiast, but isn't riding naked presenting equal danger to those around the riders? What about all of those cars swerving while rubbernecking at the pantless peloton? Never mind all the pulled neck muscles of the innocent bystanders.

I'll just be happy to finish my 37.5 miles on Saturday without the paramedics cutting my clothes off. Any nudity on my part will not be voluntarily accomplished in public.